i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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