I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
