My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
