In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize