I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
