I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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