She is in my trunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
