She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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