so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
