My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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