kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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