i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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