i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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