before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
