Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
