How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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