Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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