so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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