the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
