Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
