After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
