3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
