The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
