dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
