maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
