Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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