4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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