I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
