the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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