i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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