Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
