so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
