Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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