Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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