I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
