I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize