shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
