dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
