The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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