She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
