maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
