her vagine was all disorganized.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
