Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
