rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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