Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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