haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
