if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you made out with another girl for some wings
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
