i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
