I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
