Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
