You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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