He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
