Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize