I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
