Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
