I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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