There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
God I need to hump something, right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
