i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
