I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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