His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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