i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
