her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
