Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize