I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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