i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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