I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
