I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
