I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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