My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
