ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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