I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize