I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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