I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
