he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my being single is dangerous.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
