Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
