she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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