Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
