his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
