This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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