I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
