i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize