Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
