Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
