Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
