i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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