My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
