We're facebook friends in real life
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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