i permit you to call me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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