You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
