oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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