Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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