SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
