Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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