***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i was born a porn star she said
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
