I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
