just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
