So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
