Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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