best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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