I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
