You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
